Advice for friends and family

Be available and be prepared for someone to be on an emotional roller coaster changing at unpredictable intervals. Accept that there will be times when the person wants to talk non stop about their illness and other times when they want to say nothing at all. Let the person be, as they want to be, and don't try and instil your way of how you, would cope with the illness, on them. Don't feel upset if they don't acknowledge and thank you all the time for what you are doing- coping with the illness is hard enough without having to always remember the correct social interactions. It is easy to say let me know if there is anything I can do when in fact it is much more helpful to suggest something like - I will take the children to school everyday or I will make sure you always have a meal the day of your treatment or I will take you for your treatment / blood tests / appointments. It is normal for people with life threatening illnesses to get depressed at times and they will not always want to be jollied out of it. It may be beneficial to think positively but there will be times when it is not always possible.

If you are a supporter you will need as much support as the person who is ill - if not more, as the focus is almost always on the sick person and the carers often get forgotten. You will need to make sure that someone is willing to listen to you so that you can continue in your role as carer. The CancerBACUP book "Lost for words" is very useful.